You might have heard some buzz about love languages – this idea was originated in 1992 by Dr Gary Chapman, a marriage counsellor, who had noticed that, amongst his clients, there was a considerable difference between how they give and receive affection and love.
Dr Chapman observed that this difference often caused tension between partners – for example, one person regularly giving their partner gifts and trinkets, with their partner seeming to not appreciate it – or another person feeling upset and lonely because their partner prefers to spend time alone on the weekends, rather than connecting with them.
The Love Languages that he identified were:
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation,
At the core of the Love Languages philosophy is the idea of developing empathy and understanding for your partner, and tailoring your behavior to meet them where they are. This means that, even if your love language is physical touch, you may need to use words of affirmation with your partner to ensure they feel loved.
How do I determine my love language?
If you are interested in learning more about love languages, you can take our quiz on the Relish app for FREE during your free trial. In addition to finding out what your love languages are, you’ll immediately start to receive customized exercises, date nights, and activities that will help you feel closer than ever to your partner. Understanding your love languages and the love languages of your partner will offer essential insight into your dynamic. It will also show you how you should show other people love in order to make them feel the most seen.
Tell me more about the five love languages!
Once you’ve determined your love language (and asked your partner to take the quiz so you can learn theirs too!), you can start using them to your advantage. Here are some more details about each of the Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation – This might include validating or praising your partner day to day, and especially on special occasions. People with this love language LOVE validation and hearing that they are loved – in fact, they might like it even more than receiving a gift. The good news is that it also makes us feel good to offer praise and positive feedback – so win/win!
Quality Time – People with this love language might not appreciate a big, expensive gift for their birthday – instead, they might love a picnic together followed by a hike, or an adventure treasure hunt for you to do together. Their love tank is filled up by spending time with YOU – and quality time together ticks all these boxes.
Acts of Service – As un-romantic as folding the laundry, or getting the car serviced, may sound, for those with this love language, there is nothing more valuable and affirming. People with this love language truly appreciate it when you do things for them – it is a sure sign of love and commitment – and they are likely to appreciate a practical action (like doing their grocery shopping or cooking them dinner) than an expensive gift, or heartfelt speech about your love and commitment.
Physical Touch – We know there are people who LIVE for physical touch – and if your partner has this love language, upping your physical contact (hugs, stroking hair, kissing on the cheek) is going to make their day and boost your communication. We each get a little burst of serotonin and oxytocin when we touch our partner – even non-sexually – and these small actions can go a long way in keeping up the connection and love.
Gifts – For some people, physical gifts are where it is at! If your partner has this as a love language, they are going to really appreciate your thoughtful gestures – even the small, day to day things like bringing them home some ice cream or splurging on a new phone accessory ‘just because’. A thoughtful gift can mean the world to someone, especially if this is their main love language.
If you’re curious and would like to learn more about Love Languages, as well as relationships, love and intimacy, then you and your partner should try Relish. Relish is a relationship coaching app that offers couples personalized quizzes, articles, games, and tailored relationship advice so that they can set and achieve goals related to their relationships. Relish has a team of expert coaches that can help you identify your love languages and use this knowledge to achieve your relationship goals as a team. Relish is a great tool because it is so convenient to use. The app is much cheaper than traditional relationship therapy, and MUCH more convenient.The easy to use app brings relationship help to the palm of your hand and makes taking that first step to get help so much easier – and currently offers a 7-day free trial so you can try it for yourself.